I am burned out.
If I stare at my computer for a minute longer today, my eyes will disintegrate into dust. If I type one more word, my fingers will shatter into pieces.
And that is why I am writing this post on a notebook, the lined notebook which I use to file my daily to-do list. I will type it up on WordPress later. Right now, I need to feel a writer’s cramp that doesn’t ache like the foreshadowing of carpal tunnel. I need to hear my pen scratch smoothly and insistently on paper. I need to nestle on my couch and be out of my home office.
You may feel like you know my office by now. You’ll recognize my standing desk, and my earthing mat that goes beneath my feet. You’ll expect to see my eye fatigue glasses there, next to the Canon camera which has been so faithful to my blog. You’ll notice, without pause, my salt lamp and my beeswax candles and my crystals and my mug of tea made with fluoride-free water.
And you wouldn’t be surprised to hear about my day, which typifies my routine.
I woke at 7 to my wakeup light. I had coffee with ghee and collagen alongside duck eggs. I raced through emails and social media before a dance class. I ate lunch – baked salmon with squash. Then, I resumed my work: photographing and writing a post, corresponding with sponsors, and writing a newsletter.
And now, I have an hour of work left before dinner with a dear friend. The friend who told me, two months ago, “I think you have big-time technology burnout. You seem highly anxious whenever I see you within five feet of a screen. When is the last time you unplugged for a day or two in nature?”
“I can’t remember,” I said. And I felt both relief and horror at the realization that yes, I had computer burnout. That weekend, I took a drive to the beach where I spent my childhood and sat a driftwood log under the Pacific Northwest sky. I left all my technology at home. Even with that short pause, I regained my equilibrium and perspective.
Four years of persistent blogging backs Empowered Sustenance. Persistent passion, certainly, and also a persistent doggedness to navigate technology (which is a true challenge for me). And also persistence to do this as a one-woman-show, completing the daily blog tasks that, while not mundane, can sometimes resonate with a certain sameness.
Blogging, that mysterious and even slightly mythical occupation, fuels me with connection, structure, and a creative outlet. It has also provided a platform to build a lifestyle for which I’m deeply grateful.
So, with that said, I see myself blogging for at least another four years. But there are some aspects that need to shift. Because even with my office outfitted for the health blogger I am, I realized I must get more time away from the computer.
My connection with you is the reason I write. You existed in my fantasy before you existed in reality, when I wrote my first blog post as a lonely 19-year-old girl. You were someone with whom I could discuss the joys and frustration of a healing journey. Then, you became real, tangible, vocal. And I felt deeply fulfilled.
I will continually connect with you through the online world of Empowered Sustenance. But I am inspired to connect with you in ways beyond a computer screen. In ways that bring me out of my office and into the still wisdom of nature. In ways that build a creative synergy with others. In ways that fulfill the voice in my soul to share energy medicine.
And also in ways that involves writing in a new way, because something in my depths compels me to plunge into the artistry of words… words written on paper, with a pen. Some magnetic force, the same energy that committed me to blogging, draws me to explore poetry and creative writing with determination. I must make time in my life to honor that.
At this time, I leave you with only that much of a hint about the new vocation in my life. It is a labor of love which I cannot wait to share with you, and I will share it with you soon!
In the meantime, I will continue to navigate this thing I’ve called my healing journey. (I recently discovered this was considered by my blogging colleagues to be my catchphrase!) My healing now means continued to connection to you, but with less computer time.
As I’m never going to have a ghostwriter, and I’m apprehensive to even hire an assistant for social media, I think this means less blog content during this transitional time. I will still write content, but I don’t think I can keep up with my current habit of up to three posts per week. I’m also looking to share more guest posts during this time, to highlight the work of bloggers.
Another project which added to my burnout, but which I thoroughly enjoy all the same, is renovating Empowered Sustenance with the help of a talented designer. I hope to introduce the new look in April, with the goal that it will be easier for you to discover the content and resources you need.
Many of you have watched not just Empowered Sustenance grow, but you’ve watched me grow. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your support and companionship over the years. I hope our connection continues in new and remarkable ways.